an open space

AN EXERCISE IN FUTILITY.

I've never liked confrontation. In the few times I have hoped to stand up for myself, I've thought and rethought about what I was going to say, formulating bulleted lists in my head of all the important points I've felt I've needed to make and articulate. My throat begins to swell up, my stomach ties itself into knots, and my arms begin to feel heavy and too big for my body; in general, just making it so much more difficult to act and express myself. And I wish I could remember that the last time I worried myself nearly to death, things still worked out okay (thanks Alane).

Aaron Weiss wrote, "For me, there has been tremendous cowardice - under the guise of tolerance I keep quiet about any trouble. Not so much that I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to be seen as the hurtful one. I don't want to offend anyone or risk stirring it all up, as I'm also afraid that if we knew each other, we'd realize we are after very different things.

We are told not to point out the faults in others while blinded by our own, but should we ignore what's the matter? May God help us to understand this, to keep quiet when we should keep quiet, and to speak when we should speak (with gentleness and love) and to ask good questions and listen with patience and compassion and to pray with a broken humble heart for whoever in our lives with whom we don't feel at peace. Don't think that they don't feel it. I bet they do."

I think and worry all the time, and wish for clarity, on the balance and boundaries of my relationships.
When should I keep quiet? When should I act, or wait? When have I done what I can and I should?
(And who gets to decide that, anyways?)